This post may be a lot of mixed emotions thrown onto a page, I’m not completely sure how its going to turn out since I’m actually very confused on the right decision to make, that could affect the rest of my life.I thought writing it all down could help me see it a lot clearer.
Its terrifying to think this could be my last year at The Montfort College. I’m dreading May. Obviously my dream and I think any dancers dreams are to preform on stage in front of loads and loads of people and I feel this is the year that will decide that for me.
I’m in my last year of school before I go off to college. I have to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life and it terrifies me. How can one decision at my age that affects the rest of my life make any sense. My dream is to attend dance college, but so much comes with that. The cost, getting in, ect. And while its all good going to college, I have to make sure I can get a job at the end of this road.
Dance is all I’ve ever known. That’s what people in school think when they look at me and to think of myself without it is a bit scary. I think if I don’t go forward to study dance I will always look back in 10/20 years and think what if? How different would my life be? where would I be now?.
I am in a very good position however that I have people around me who are more than willing to help me get to the place I need to be in order to get into the college I’m looking at. I just feel that a slight doubt in myself can nock my whole confidence about my own future and confidence is the key to being in the industry I’m looking at. My plan if it ever does work out is to attend CSN (A college in Cork) and then once I finish there, I could hopefully attend a college in London. Ideally I would love to preform for the first few years but I would love to teach at the end of it.
There’s just so much I have to take in but I really don’t see myself doing anything else, Its the only thing I’ve ever actually been good at and liked. Its a big year and I have a lot of preparation to do if I’m ever gunna go for a place at college. I’m just scared of being rejected from that college and not having a plan B. I mean to be a dancer you have to have the performance face, the height, body shape, hair, that’s all before you even begin to dance. A director has ruled you out before you even move a muscle. Wow I would have to go down the complicated root, why couldn’t I have just wanted to be a lawyer or something haha. Oh well, I am who I am, and you know what? I love myself when I’m onstage. I love the choices I’ve made to be there, That nervous feeling in the wings gets thrown away with that first step on the stage floor.
This is a big year. I’m just sitting here wondering where I’m gunna be this time next year. If its meant to be it will be.